Dear Diary:

When it's hard for you to make a choice, trust that the world will make it for you.

kindness makes the world go round

I haven't been talking much about what's really going on in my life right now. Aside from my peachy love life, everything else is pretty much dreary. To be more specific, we have been going through a rough time with money. I HATE MONEY.

I hate it because it has been turning us into these people who wake up in the middle of the night worrying about friggin money. I hate it because people in this backward place that I call my hometown associate me and my family with it. I hate it because the wretched people that inhabit this place is just waiting for our downfall. I can just imagine what kind of things they are saying behind our backs. And the people who were your friends when you had a whole lot of money? They either tear you down or grab the opportunity to profit from your vulnerability.



It really is true. When times get tough, that's when you see who your true friends are.

An example of how rotten people can be. Our competitor is owned by three people coming from the same family. One of them is my godfather. Another one is someone who used to be dirt poor. During which time, my dad became a guarantor for a loan that she was applying for because nobody knew her. Fast forward to now... That same person is on the top. And we are now going down. What does she do? She badmouths us every chance she gets. And now they are building a new gas station just to make sure that we go bankrupt. The goal is "siguraduhon nga maclose ang Power-up gasoline station".

Imagine that.

But then there are others. Others who stand by us whether we have money in our pockets or not. Others whose kindess save us and give us hope to live just another day and fight for another chance.

Others like one of our business partners who took it upon himself to volunteer to help us get back on our feet. I'm thankful that he's there because I've tried with all my might to get my dad to change his ways in business to no avail. I'm amazed at his generosity with his time and efforts just to help us take control of a business that has been mismanaged.

We are on the brink of losing most of what we have. My dad for whatever reason, has become rusty in his ways of handling business. God knows the man has been through a LOT. I can't blame him. But it's just frustrating. How we could have prevented this from happening if only he listened to me. It's humiliating how you have to borrow money or be at the mercy of creditors. It's heartbreaking how so-called "friends" turn against you or just turn their backs. Sometimes I wonder when does this series of unfortunate events end because sometimes I'm not sure we'll make it.

But then sometimes, there's a silverlining. Sometimes a person's act of kindness makes all the difference. And I think maybe, there's gonna be a brighter day.

Quick hitters

la Lo

Lindsay Lohan is on the cover of Harper's Bazaar and in the "intimate interview", Lohan is asked about her relationship with Samantha Ronson and if she would consider herself a bisexual. Here's an exerpt of the interview:

Has she previously been with a girl? She laughs and says, "I don't know. Maybe." Has she ever been embarrassed about being attracted to a woman? "No." Would she classify herself as bisexual? "Maybe. Yeah." Lesbian? "No." She goes on, "I don't want to classify myself. First of all, you never know what's going to happen — tomorrow, in a month, a year from now, five years from now. I appreciate people, and it doesn't matter who they are, and I feel blessed to be able to feel comfortable enough with myself that I can say that." She sees herself getting married "eventually," but whether to a man or a woman, "I don't know."

Okay... I'm not bothered that she's with a girl or whatever. But what's up with the "maybe. Yeah. Lesbian? No."???? I really like aling Lindsay but come on...

Does she really think she can pull it off after months of this?

She has also come up with her own line of leggings. "There's not much you can do with leggings, but I'm doing everything I can," she says.

I say good luck L. Except for colors, fabric and probably holes in them, how can one reinvent the legging? (your tips are welcome)

Moving on.

Team Jennifer vs Team Angelina

Jennifer Aniston called Angelina "uncool" after Angelina revealed stories about the early stages of her relationship with Brad Pitt. Well... I must say, I am with team Jennifer on this one. The poor girl shouldn't have to relive that. Especially since the revalations happened at a time when Jen did not about the relationship yet. Angie, you're one of the coolest chicks around but please, you walked off with the gir's husband... You don't have to tell us how you did it. (Wait. Maybe we'd like a few tips on how to snag a Brad LOL)

ALIAS

The Secret Service have come up with nicknames for the new first family. All starting with the letter R (don't ask me why). Anyway, here are the chosen names. Mr. Obama will be "Renegade", Michelle will be "Renaissance", Malia will be "Radiance" and Sasha will be "Rosebud".

Meanwhile, the search is still on for the the "first dog". Here's my suggestion:

Not sure it'll take with the kids though. hehehe

Shaken and stirred

I watched the new Bond movie Quantum of Solace with Mr. Tanduay last Saturday. I'm not gonna talk that much about the movie though. What I would say is what probably most people are saying. That's it's a typical Bond movie. Grittier and darker though. It's the 007 version of what happened with the Batman franchise. It's the posh version of an FPJ movie. Always the target, never hit.




Anyway, so we were walking around in the mall after the movie when our Mr. Tanduay said, "hey babe, I have a confession to make."

Okay... Now what? So I said, "what is it?"

Mr. Tanduay: I lied. I actually saw the movie with my dad na. I didn't tell you cos then you wouldn't wanna watch the movie na or if you did, you won't enjoy it as much.

How could I get mad about that kind of lie? LOL

O

Obama won. Oprah Winfrey was in attendance. Kenya declared a National Holiday in honor of Obama's victory. And Palin lost.

At least America has not completely lost their senses.

As for McCain, well... There is no substitute for victory. But I think his speech was very well delivered.
"This is an historic election, and I recognize the special significance it has for African-Americans and the special pride that must be theirs tonight," McCain said. "These are difficult times for our country. And I pledge to him tonight to do all in my power to help him lead us through the many challenges we face."

Applauded. Luoy. Especially cos I have a soft spot for grandfatherly looking people.

Anyway, it was not a surprise. It's going to be interesting to watch how Obama's gonna handle such great expectations.

Here's what I think is the most compelling line in Obama's speech at Grant Park:

"It's been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this date in this election at this defining moment, change has come to America."

fools like me

Okay... The truth is, nobody knows shit about love.

We're like the blind leading the blind. Occassionally we stumble onto some glimpse of wisdom and we try to hold it in our hands, stash them inside our cluttered minds, try to remember them the next time, try to protect ourselves or our friends from the same mistakes...

Right. Like that's possible. No one is safe. We all become lovefools.

There's no such thing as logic in love. My previous post has nothing to do about logic. In a line it would be listen to your intuition. And whoever said there's logic in intuitions. It's a feeling. It's not rocket science. Nobody has been able to really explain it. Just. Like. Love.

We all mess up, stumble, crawl. We all go through the same ugly break-ups and gut-wrenching heartaches. Yet we all believe in it. We hope and we risk. We go through all the motions. At least once in our lives we become fools.

But then, once in a while we find truths. We find something rare and beautiful. Once in a while we find what it was we've been looking for and never really admitted. Once in a while stumble upon something real. Once in a blue moon we realize that all the madness has but one ending--learning.

We cross our fingers and hope we'll be wiser next time around... Heaven knows that's what we should be--wiser after every friggin time we fall all over ourselves.

And if you're lucky... Maybe then you'll find love.

Then again, maybe I'm wrong.

Lesson #1

Joey: [after spotting a guy with "Ding" shirt and another guy with "Dong" shirt together] I want my Ding.
Andrew: I want my Dong.
-from the movie, Boy Culture

Just recently, my good friend Jaycee flew to Bacolod presumably to attend the recently concluded Masskara festival but actually, it was to meet up with yet another guy. I know, predictable.

Of course, I was thinking "oh boy, here we go again..." and my boyfriend Gerard jokingly said that this one's sure to become yet another one of Jaycee's exes (yes, after that week in Cebu my boyfriend already knew this piece of information. The info being that Jaycee has a lot of exes hehehe). Anyway, while we were more or less calculating how short this affair would be, Jaycee had other things in his mind. Other than the obvious, he was actually thinking it would last.

I am not one to deny people of their happiness. And so I listened to his declarations of like, if not love, and happiness. I said the necessary things although at the back of my mind, I was skeptical. I told him not to be too quick to give credit and not to rush into anything, least of all expectations. But of course I knew that he was gonna do all those anyway. Have I not myself done that so many times before?

I can see the signs...

Highlighting his so-called attributes... Diminishing the obvious qualities that would discount those attributes... Announcing with glee that "I am happy" or "he makes me happy"... Ignoring that voice in my head that tells me "no, not really..." knowing at the back of my head that I was trying to convince myself and others by all the declarations of love, happiness and really things that were most of the time stuff taken from other love stories.

I wonder, why have I been so quick to award those guys with worth without waiting just a little for them to prove their worth to me... I think we know the answer. Besides, happiness need not be advertised. If it's real, it will show itself. And that funny little thing called love? You'd be surprised... It's not supposed to be so hard.

What then is the lesson? Do NOT do what Jaycee did or I did. hehehe

Seriously, listen to yourself. I know you know that we are aware of what is potentially a mistake. We just ignore it. So just listen to that little voice. Ponder on it. And remember what happened all those times you ignored it.

bums and another city

Canlaon had become too stressful (who would've thought) and Dumaguete is hardly the same without my fabulous friends. So it was time then to pay a visit to the next best thing... CEBU. Where life is somewhere between urban life and where the spirit of Dumaguete has been echoed through most of the brilliant bums who are now based there.

On the bus to Zeybu...

At one acacia tree : we spent the first night hangin out at a place named after one of the most prominent figures of silliman. char.

Guitar man: Please welcome, Angel (he pronounced it as IN-GEL. He might very well be Inday's long lost brother. hahaha)

My rockstar. And yes, he makes love like that other kind of star. bwahaha

Men in Blue: My boyfriend on my left and my back-up on my right. haha

yo.u as in your own utopia where we chilled to the sound of the voice of Jello's crush

how did they end up looking so krung krung? hehehe

at bo's with Mutly who is morphing more and more into a Korean

corny moment at brews. walay mo palag. hehehe

Atimana and Aling Paulrich.

cuddly cousin

cge, atimana nalang pd si jaycee nga wlay paki sa world basta kay naka pose.

three ladies and uh bombom. hehehe

moon cafe just like the old days at el amigo...

Yes, indeed, the brilliant bums have conquered Cebu.

take a deep breath

For everything there is a season and time... And right now, I am so ready for some F.U.N!

It's been a while since I've really taken time off from all the drama of my life. But finally, I'm leaving for Bacolod tomorrow to meet up with my boyfriend. From there, we'll be off to Cebu for our first road trip together. Wee!

So...

1. I might not be able to update that much this coming week although I'll try.
2. I can't wait to see the Cebu-based brilliant bums.
3. I can't wait to introduce my boyfriend to my friends for the first time. (People, be gentle. hehehe)
4. I can't wait to do some damage in Cebu. I miss getting crunk with my people. *wink*
5. I'm craving for coffee conversations!!!

In short... I JUST CAN'T WAIT.

Cebu... Here we come! You better be ready for me. hehehe

ribbons in the sky

I was browsing photos at People.com when I came across the album of Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi's wedding. I love weddings... I think it's the most hopeful event a person could have in his or her life.

Now you all know, I love gays. I have more gay friends than girl friends. But as much as I love women trapped in a man's body, I'm kinda uncomfortable around lesbians. I cannot explain it. It's not repulsion... Not that extreme. I'm not proud of this, being a self-proclaimed liberal but I don't quite get them.

But, although this may be the case, I do get love. And as far as I'm concerned, love in any language-in any gender-is love still. We might not all understand it, but no one can discount it.

Remember tonight, for it is the beginning of always. A promise. Like a reward for persisting through life so long alone. A belief in each other and the possibility of love. A decision to ignore, simply rise above the pain of the past. A covenant, which at once binds two souls and yet severs prior ties. A celebration of the chance taken and the challenge that lies ahead. For two will always be stronger than one, like a team braced against the tempest civil world. And love will always be the guiding force in our lives. For tonight is mere formality. Only an announcement to the world of feelings long held. Promises made long ago. In the sacred spaces of our hearts. -one tree hill

I am humbled. I'm sure a lot of people have their own opinion about unions such as these. But I have much respect for these two. It is hard enough to be in a "straight" relationship and keep it thriving and filled with love. They've come this far.

It is just heart-warming to see people in love. And it gives me hope. That in this strange, strange world, love can still be found... In different places, faces and regardless of gender.

I leave you, this Sunday, with Stevie Wonder singing the couple's favorite song--music to their dance in the photo above.

Sarah and Britney

US VP DEBATE

I constantly feel the need to comment on this because I feel like we are always affected by whatever is going on in the US. Sad but true. So, the first and only VP debate went down. And true to form, Palin cemented my belief that she does NOT deserve to win. Here are a few rather interesting quotes:

Palin on Obama: "Barack is a downright dangerous choice for president." --seriously, she
thinks she is in any position to say this? Seriously?

Palin on Climate change: she was quick to say that she isn't one to "attribute every activity
of man to the changes in the climate."
"There is something to be said also for man's activities, but also for
the cyclical temperature changes on our planet," she said. --I say,
have you been living under a rock? What do you mean cyclical
temperature changes? Do you mean to tell me that global
warming is just an effect of Mother Nature being moody?

I therefore conclude that Palin is a deluded "hockey mom" who, despite living in a place covered in ice, does not understand climate change. Darling, I'm sure you're a great mom and I'm sure you have a good track record in terms of moose hunting but if you don't get what climate change is, you sure are the one who is dangerous. For the sake of good old Mother Earth, I hope she loses so she can just go back to doing what she does best--being a hockey mom and eating moose burgers.




******
On that note, I would like to end this blog with something about Britney Spears. Pasensya, but thinking about Palin reminds me of Britney, Paris and all the dumb blondes--even if Palin is a brunette. Harhar allow me to be bitchy...

This is Britney's "comeback" single. Really... What was she coming back as?

womanizer - britney spears

Mara,

Today you join me at 23. I wonder how you're celebrating your birthday... Maybe you've chosen to spend it like any other day... Maybe you're going out with your friends there... Perhaps a date with someone new? I just hope you're NOT choosing to spend it pining over a particular someone.

Now I don't mean to lecture you on your birthday of all days but why not? I was here first. Bleh!

Here are little nuggets of wisdom from me to you.

1. I cannot believe I'm saying this but for now, enough of the hopeless romantic churvas. I mean, we all want true love. We all want a happy ending. But we can't very well expect to have all that in just a few tries. Weren't you the one who said that expectations is what kills a relationships? And let me just add that assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups. So, do me a favor and just loosen up a little. By that I mean, stop thinking about being alone or ending up alone. Stop worrying about the one. Stop looking for the one. Take it from me, love will come in its time. And the one, whoever he is, will find you. In the meantime, be open to possibilities.
2. If you do feel the need to get all nostalgic, focus on what you did wrong and learn from them.
3. You are an amazing woman. Don't settle for anything less than you deserve.

There is an acceptable length of time to grieve the loss of a relationship and there is a point at which it's simply a waste of time. I am telling you these things because I have been wanting to shake you to your senses. They say with age comes wisdom. Let us try to be able to stand and say we learned our lessons well.

All I'm saying is, stop grieving and start living. Because for someone whose blog is entitled an overdose of life, you sure haven't been doing much of living.

So live... Love... Learn... You're not getting any younger. HAHA

Love you mam...

Happy Birthday!

gulong ng palad

I've neglected my blog for good reason. For one thing, I've been busy with the city hall's Employee's day where I was forced to wear a grass skirt and dance the tahitian dance. Yes, that hip rollin, booty shakin, all around tiring dance. And no, I'm not posting a picture. Bleh!

But, I have another more serious reason for the long absence. And that, my friends, is none other than that useful yet evil thing called money.

It's been tough for us and our business lately... I'm not even gonna go into the details because it's gonna be too depressing for me. Suffice it to say that lately, I've been walking around wondering how people survived, where they get their money and envying those who I think have more than what I have. Heck, I even envy my childhood memories when there seemed to be no problems and I could get almost everything that I wanted.

I have led a life that was sufficiently blessed. I was never lacking. Except of course when I run through my allowance too fast. We were rich. Although I never felt that we were because my dad raised us to content ourselves with what is enough. Never too much. Just enough. So that when the time comes when we don't have a lot, we'll still manage. I never thought that the day would come that that would actually come useful. And though we've been taught to stick to the necessities, it still doesn't seem to be enough.

They say, the less money you handle, the simplier life is. So true. If we didn't have this much in investments, we won't have this much to lose. Yesterday, we were flourishing. Now we're just trying to make it through the day. I look around and some of the people we know who used to come to us for money are now the ones who have the money. Gulong ng palad.

I tell you, be kind to everyone when you're goin up cos you never know who you'll need when you're goin down. It's friggin hard... I admit, I'm used to being up. I don't know how to deal with going down. But still, as they say, life goes on. When the going gets tough, the tough get goin. And when you've hit rock bottom, there's no way to go but up.

I sure hope so.

Palin Schmalin

Allow me to tap into my colonial mentality for a bit...

I can't help but get hooked on the events leading to the upcoming American elections. And I can't take it anymore. I would like to know who here feels that Sarah Palin is fit to be America's next vp and next in line to the American Presidency. Heck, Matt Damon has had his say. And if he can have his opinion (him being a mere actor stud hehehe) why can't we?

And for the record, I DON'T think Palin should win.

Eight ways to kill a cat; Eight ways to love a woman

1. Outpurr her. Begin with sly innuendo, build up to a crescendo with your words.
2. Outlick her. Start at her temples, dimples, every little goosebump, every tiny wrinkle, downdowndown to her rawr.
3. Outslink her. Dip and dodge and wiggle your way out of every hole or every catfight. Nimbly climb your way down her tree.
4. Outstare her. Gaze her down till you have her pinned against the wall, your eyes burning away at her cattiness until she can only whimper.
5. Outplay her. Find a bigger ball of yarn. Better yet, spin it yourself. Have more fun than she can handle.
6. Outnap her. Nap, nap, nap till she yearns for your lap. Give her a dose of her own sleeping pill.
7. Outshed her. Shed your inhibitions like she would cat hair – on the couch, on the rug, on the bed. As you would your clothes, just shed.
8. Outmouse her. Trap her mice. Be catty but nice. But leave her to her every device.

And when you get down to her 9th life, love her. Love your cat. Love her purr, her lick, her slink, her stare, her games, her naps, her hair, her every wile. She is now a keeper.

23

Ever since I turned twenty I cringe at the thought of turning a year older. Aiken and Mara were my constant companions on such occassions. Hence, we developed our own little tradition on the eve of my birthday. We had martinis with cherry on top.

And in the spirit of that tradition, this is how I spent my birthday this year...


Their martinis didn't have a cherry on top, but I can honestly say my substitute was way better. haha


For the longest time, I have always felt that my song is REAL by Plumb. I have always felt like that song was written for me. This year, that song truly becomes mine.

This year, I toast to life, to love and to friendship... At last, I found something real.

september

Okay, it's my birthday month. Along with a handful of others. It's good to know I'm growin a year older with some crazy/beautiful people. hehe

So, before I rant about getting old (grr), here's some interesting things to note about my/our birthday month.

• According to the Georgian calendar, September is the ninth month. But, on the Roman calendar, it was the seventh month. September has had 29 days, and 31 days; but, since the time of the emperor Augustus, it has had only 30 days.
• Childhood Cancer Awareness Month
• Children's Good Manners Month (how ironic)
• Cholesterol Education Month (who knew?)
• John Gruelle received a patent for the Raggedy Ann doll in September 7, 1915 (my birthday hehe)
• 9/11 (who would ever forger what that means)
• Gemstone: Sapphire
• Flower: Morning Glory
• Zodiac sign: Virgo and Libra

I'm obviously bored. Not a good way to start any month. hehe

postcard from dumaguete

Wish you were here...

This is for those who missed half of their lives by not joining us. hehe

what my love life and tanduay have in common

While cuddling, my boyfriend said out of nowhere, "you know what, our relationship is like Tanduay." At this point I was deciding whether to be irked at such an outrageous comparison or to just laugh at the concept. But of course, I just had to ask why, of all things under God's green earth he chose Tanduay to compare to our relationship...

His reply: "Because it's habang tumatagal, lalong sumasarap."

So it's slightly baduy and very offbeat. But we do have our corny moments.

I guess we really are in love. hehe

better days and get-aways

It was one of those times when everything was shitty and I was lost in all that crap that included everything from family bs to yet another failed attempt at finding love. It was the perfect time to escape and drown out everything else.

And so it was that I decided to throw caution to the wind and go to Sindangan with yet another lost soul, Xander, my soul sister Mara and Bom2x. And by throwing caution to the wind I mean going to a remote town in Mindanao with just enough money to get there.

And so off we went. My emotions were, as I recall, half anxious and half excited--which can really be such a high. From the moment we stepped on Dapitan's dock it was pure liberty. And since it was pathetically my first time to set foot on Mindanao soil, I was delighted.

That first day we made like true turistas and went around all the so-called tourist spots of Dapitan cam-whoring all the way. I cannot put down everything that happened in chronological order but the moments come back to me like pictures in a slide show...

There was that "night out" at a beachside bar where before or after a few drinks we went to the back of the bar (which was actually facing the beach)--this was right around the time the band started playing Pinoy Ako. Just for the heck of it or maybe because it was the only place we would openly sing along to Pinoy Ako, we sang our hearts out to a full moon. We probably looked like werewolves baying but who cared? And it was then that Mara (I'm pretty sure it was you haha) suggested that we shed all inhibitions and go skinny dipping. Talk about being literal. Haha. But we did it anway. It was great. Except maybe for the fact that Bom2x and Xander was there jumping around. Ew. But still, it was totally freeing. Hehe

And then along came Jello... We went to the same beach that we went skinny dipping in. It wasn't exactly resort material in the light of day but oh the sunset was amazing... And then there was walking down the street with sparklers in hand (take note this was sometime in October)... Videoke bar hopping and singing Aegis songs with feelings... Some more cam-whoring on a bridge, a stop at an abandoned dock... I vaguely recall drinking rum and royal tru orange imagine that! This of course, ended with someone puking on the floor of our room and all of us getting drunk. And then, at last, some downtime at a more secluded beach where we frolicked on the white sand, posed some more, and effectively achieved golden tans. Did I mention how our very generous hostess fed us delicious homecooked food at each meal? Sigh...

Ah yes... It was bliss. A totally unplanned trip that turned into the best vacation yet. Even more so because it was with great friends. And of course, the fact that nobody knew us there helped too. Haha. It's true, where you go doesn't really matter as much as who you're with. And that trip, that "vacation" of ours... That's the one to beat.

For a quick visual aid:
http://www.friendster.com/viewphotos.php?a=707297853&uid=6300952