back in the city...

My gosh it's been a while... I've been reading everybody else's blog today and I realized I am so behind... There have been a lot of things to write about... I got a job, Sinulog, Valentines day...

At least I have a valid reason: I was in training. And in one word it was ugtos. But I'm done with it and thankfully, I passed. =)

Well, what else... Oh yeah, Valentine's Day.

For the first time in years, I actually looked forward to it. Gerard came to Cebu and well, need I say more? haha

Guys, let's keep blogging. Ramblings will do. I mean, we don't really need to make literary essays to keep each other posted. Dava? hehehe

Aling Jello, ikaw nang naay wagi na laptop. Og mahimo... hehehehehehe And mam mich, I like one liner blogs kaya... hehehehe So let's keep it up. Promise I won't lag behind. =)

Sigh... It really feels different this time around... The last time I was in Cebu, I had no direction. Except maybe the ones goin to Vudu or some such place. When I think about that time, I don't even know what I was thinking. All I remember was that I just wanted to have fun. Which ultimitely led to downfalls. I was literally floating through a fog of confusion. In short, LOST.

Nowadays, I walk with a purpose. I guess I can say I've become grounded. Admittedly, it's thanks largely to my boyfriend. He keeps me in check. And every day, I feel good about being able to really do things on my own. To have this job (no matter how mediocre it is for some people) and earn money so that I can one day have enough to own my own business and NOT work. That's really all I want. Harhar. But yeah... That's just it for now...

Meanwhile, here's somethin I've been listenin to... Enjoy...

xoxo

Make It Mine - Jason Mraz

happy endings

If there is anything I love more than new beginnings, it is a happy ending... I just heard the news that our beloved Inday is engaged to her French beau. It felt weird... I have some friends who got married but this is the first brilliant bum to be engaged. I felt happy and at the same time strangely nostalgic. It's such a grown-up decision to make and I cannot help but recall the "single" moments that I spent with Inday and all the brilliant bum craziness that I thought this must be how parents feel when a child gets married. I must admit I was a bit worried and scared--after all, marriage is a BIG deal for me. But it is, above all, a happy occassion for it is a testament that in a world of uncertainty and chaos, love can still be found.

To Inday, I wish the best of life and love as she ends a chapter and begins a new one. May you live happily ever after.

family affair

The problem with dating someone whose family is not merely a tree but a forest is that you have a lot more people to impress.

I used to be so insecure that I felt I had to go out of my way to prove myself to a boyfriend's family members--as in all of them. I thought that if I endeared myself to a boyfriend's family members, our relationship would be more "permanent". A far out illusion.

I have, since then, confined myself to being good to those who are the immediate family members of who I'm with. I do not anymore go so far as try to be who I am not. I do not intend to portray myself as perfect. I do try to be extra nice.

In the case of large families, it is extremely difficult to be nice to everyone. Especially when I know that some of them have something against me--not that whatever that may be is my fault. At such times I remain polite. But I do not go out of my way to try to "win them over". I'm sure everyone will agree that it is very difficult to be nice to people who aren't nice to you.

Case in point: Mr. Tanduay has these two cousins (2nd degree I think) who have been nowhere near nice to me. During last Saturday's celebration of his great grandmother's 100th birthday, they threw me looks. And girls, you know what I mean by those "looks". I let it pass. Later that night, there was a band. While me, Mr. Tanduay and Lovely were enjoying the music on the dancefloor and dancing together, we were interrupted by tweedledum presumably because she somehow unearthed one of Mr. Tanduay's old friends from Canlaon. Again, I let that pass even though she did not even say "excuse me". They chatted and she swept Mr. Tanduay to their group leaving me and Lovely alone. When Mr. Tanduay returned to me a few minutes later holding my hand in his, tweedledee literally grabbed him by his sleeve back towards their group---all this while looking right at me and never even bothering a half-meant "join us" to me and Lovely. I was humiliated.

This spurred a series of arguements between me and Mr. Tanduay because he thought I was being "selfish" while I thought my actions (which was getting pissed) was only a reaction to the rudeness of the aforementioned tweedledum and tweedledee.

We women have a nose for other women who dislike us. We can smell them even if they're standing at the other end of the room. I am a non-confrontational person. I try to stay away from fights of any kind. Which is why I was enraged by the thought that I was being tagged as the one who is the "bad guy" in that particular situation when I in fact, never made any direct or indirect action to offend them. To make matters worse, they even teased Mr. Tanduay that he is "under" the next day.

Let me ask you, did I do anything to justify their rudeness? Was my reaction out of line? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I rest my case.

:::::::::::::::
Me and Mr. Tanduay made up immediately after every arguement we got into the past three days that he was here. In one such occassion (after the band thing and after an arguement) we went to their veranda and made tambay there. It was raining and I felt cold. We were huddled together in two chairs pulled close together...

Mr. Tanduay: (with his arms wrapped around me and his chin on my shoulder) I wonder why I love you so much...

It's another one of those moments when I didn't know whether to get mad or be kilig. hehehe

Dear Diary:

When it's hard for you to make a choice, trust that the world will make it for you.

Lesson #1

Joey: [after spotting a guy with "Ding" shirt and another guy with "Dong" shirt together] I want my Ding.
Andrew: I want my Dong.
-from the movie, Boy Culture

Just recently, my good friend Jaycee flew to Bacolod presumably to attend the recently concluded Masskara festival but actually, it was to meet up with yet another guy. I know, predictable.

Of course, I was thinking "oh boy, here we go again..." and my boyfriend Gerard jokingly said that this one's sure to become yet another one of Jaycee's exes (yes, after that week in Cebu my boyfriend already knew this piece of information. The info being that Jaycee has a lot of exes hehehe). Anyway, while we were more or less calculating how short this affair would be, Jaycee had other things in his mind. Other than the obvious, he was actually thinking it would last.

I am not one to deny people of their happiness. And so I listened to his declarations of like, if not love, and happiness. I said the necessary things although at the back of my mind, I was skeptical. I told him not to be too quick to give credit and not to rush into anything, least of all expectations. But of course I knew that he was gonna do all those anyway. Have I not myself done that so many times before?

I can see the signs...

Highlighting his so-called attributes... Diminishing the obvious qualities that would discount those attributes... Announcing with glee that "I am happy" or "he makes me happy"... Ignoring that voice in my head that tells me "no, not really..." knowing at the back of my head that I was trying to convince myself and others by all the declarations of love, happiness and really things that were most of the time stuff taken from other love stories.

I wonder, why have I been so quick to award those guys with worth without waiting just a little for them to prove their worth to me... I think we know the answer. Besides, happiness need not be advertised. If it's real, it will show itself. And that funny little thing called love? You'd be surprised... It's not supposed to be so hard.

What then is the lesson? Do NOT do what Jaycee did or I did. hehehe

Seriously, listen to yourself. I know you know that we are aware of what is potentially a mistake. We just ignore it. So just listen to that little voice. Ponder on it. And remember what happened all those times you ignored it.

take a deep breath

For everything there is a season and time... And right now, I am so ready for some F.U.N!

It's been a while since I've really taken time off from all the drama of my life. But finally, I'm leaving for Bacolod tomorrow to meet up with my boyfriend. From there, we'll be off to Cebu for our first road trip together. Wee!

So...

1. I might not be able to update that much this coming week although I'll try.
2. I can't wait to see the Cebu-based brilliant bums.
3. I can't wait to introduce my boyfriend to my friends for the first time. (People, be gentle. hehehe)
4. I can't wait to do some damage in Cebu. I miss getting crunk with my people. *wink*
5. I'm craving for coffee conversations!!!

In short... I JUST CAN'T WAIT.

Cebu... Here we come! You better be ready for me. hehehe

postcard from dumaguete

Wish you were here...

This is for those who missed half of their lives by not joining us. hehe