Friday, March 23, 2007


I often wonder how we always end up loving somebody who doesn't deserve us. I think about how many people I know who are involved in a relationship or pseudo-relationships who are unfair to them. Of the many people I know who should have the best but have settled for what they have just so they won't be alone. And then I think of how many times I tripped and fell for the asshole when I had the option of choosing somebody else-one who is clearly into me.

Why do we always end up choosing the one who would hurt us? Are we sado-masochists?

Sometimes it would seem as though we are-or at least I am. How else could I explain this "pattern" of me choosing to be with someone who is uncertain versus someone nice and safe and sure? I don't know if it's because of the so-called challenge of being in a difficult relationship or if it's because of the thrill/excitement of the uncertainty. Or maybe, I've become so accustomed to pain that being without it makes me question the relationship.

So maybe I am sado-masochistic after all. But aren't all sado-masochists looking for someone who would make them want to stop lovin the pain? I know I am.

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