Tuesday, April 03, 2007

summer places

I used to be fascinated by swimming pools, ponds, fountains, miniature waterfalls in people's gardens... I have no idea why but I'd just be amazed by them. I won't even attempt to find any psychological reason for it for fear of ruining the feeling that it gives me when I remember a time when such things make me wide-eyed with wonder.

Like the empty swimming pool at my neighbor's backyard. I remember staring at it, fantasizing how it would look if it were full. Or the pond at a family friend's front lawn. I used to sit by it and look into all of its three-foot depth and the lonely fishes swimming in it. Even now, when I think of it, I can still feel some of the awe that I felt.

It sounds crazy now that I'm a grown woman, but I wish I could get that back. That innocence--or perhaps ignorance-- that comes with being a child. To look at things and see them more vividly and vibrantly. To experience something and be struck with the same excitement as I had.

Nowadays I sit at my lola's terrace, look at the backyard that seemed huge to me before... Milk replaced by coffee and blowing bubbles replaced by a cigarette... I can't help but wish time and age hadn't jaded me. Have I gotten that old? I certainly feel old. I sit back and remember a time when little things gave me great wonders and made summer seem so much more like an adventure... Sigh.

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