365 days later...

Today, we turn 1.

By 1 I mean one year. Which earns me the right to be mushy today. hehe somehow I still find it hard to really put into words how happy I am with Gerard. Probably because he makes me happy in so many ways... I will say this:

He makes me feel a calm and peace within by just knowing I have him.

He is my peace of mind.

When I'm with him, everything- including the biggest of problems, falls away. He has that strength that supports me and makes me feel everything is gonna be alright.

He is sweet and generous.

He is the boyfriend that I always wish I had and never had- until now.

He is the kind of man that cries.

He has a firm hand that can reign me in. But he is also forgiving.

I see him with kids and I know he is going to be a good father.

I feel and am safe when I am with him.

We have fun together. We share books, watch movies... Talk about anything and everything. We laugh together.

We adore each other.

He holds my hand and whispers sweet words into my ear.

He has mood swings. He can be elitista sometimes. But he is generally kind.

He is NOT perfect. He has his moments. But today I find them irrelevant. For I have found a good man. And above all else, that man loves me for me.

how bout a round of applause... (rihanna style)

Please join me in raising our glasses to my sister Lovely aka Mutly who passed the November 2008 Nursing Licensure Examination!

At last, naa na unyay makapadalag dollars namo ani. hehehehe

back in the city...

My gosh it's been a while... I've been reading everybody else's blog today and I realized I am so behind... There have been a lot of things to write about... I got a job, Sinulog, Valentines day...

At least I have a valid reason: I was in training. And in one word it was ugtos. But I'm done with it and thankfully, I passed. =)

Well, what else... Oh yeah, Valentine's Day.

For the first time in years, I actually looked forward to it. Gerard came to Cebu and well, need I say more? haha

Guys, let's keep blogging. Ramblings will do. I mean, we don't really need to make literary essays to keep each other posted. Dava? hehehe

Aling Jello, ikaw nang naay wagi na laptop. Og mahimo... hehehehehehe And mam mich, I like one liner blogs kaya... hehehehe So let's keep it up. Promise I won't lag behind. =)

Sigh... It really feels different this time around... The last time I was in Cebu, I had no direction. Except maybe the ones goin to Vudu or some such place. When I think about that time, I don't even know what I was thinking. All I remember was that I just wanted to have fun. Which ultimitely led to downfalls. I was literally floating through a fog of confusion. In short, LOST.

Nowadays, I walk with a purpose. I guess I can say I've become grounded. Admittedly, it's thanks largely to my boyfriend. He keeps me in check. And every day, I feel good about being able to really do things on my own. To have this job (no matter how mediocre it is for some people) and earn money so that I can one day have enough to own my own business and NOT work. That's really all I want. Harhar. But yeah... That's just it for now...

Meanwhile, here's somethin I've been listenin to... Enjoy...

xoxo

Make It Mine - Jason Mraz

here we go

I just love the message of this song. And it just seems apt for my NOW.

Man In The Mirror - Michael Jackson

CEBU

In the words of McArthur, "I shall return."

happy new year!

For all the hype of 2008, what with the beijing olympics and all, it was pretty dismal. Global economy crashed, calamities everywhere, and our family went into our own financial recession.

I always have mixed emotions whenever new years come around. Another year is, of course, a blessing. But then you get older and the anxiety of what this year will bring cannot be ignored. Although in the end, optimism is the best attitude to assume.

And what of the year that was? Somehow, new years always make us want to take stock of our lives. Which is, most of the time a most tedious and even depressing thing to do. So I conveniently skipped all the drama. haha It's a new year. Come what may.

2008 wasn't so bad... After all, I met Gerard in 08. I fell in love and am in a healthy relationship for the first time ever. hehehe

It's weird how the older we get, the less festive and exciting and happy the holidays are. But still, we make do with what we have. Hopefully, 2009 will be a better year for all of us.

So for now, cheers to the year that was and the year ahead! Happy New Year everyone!!!

xoxo

happy endings

If there is anything I love more than new beginnings, it is a happy ending... I just heard the news that our beloved Inday is engaged to her French beau. It felt weird... I have some friends who got married but this is the first brilliant bum to be engaged. I felt happy and at the same time strangely nostalgic. It's such a grown-up decision to make and I cannot help but recall the "single" moments that I spent with Inday and all the brilliant bum craziness that I thought this must be how parents feel when a child gets married. I must admit I was a bit worried and scared--after all, marriage is a BIG deal for me. But it is, above all, a happy occassion for it is a testament that in a world of uncertainty and chaos, love can still be found.

To Inday, I wish the best of life and love as she ends a chapter and begins a new one. May you live happily ever after.

family affair

The problem with dating someone whose family is not merely a tree but a forest is that you have a lot more people to impress.

I used to be so insecure that I felt I had to go out of my way to prove myself to a boyfriend's family members--as in all of them. I thought that if I endeared myself to a boyfriend's family members, our relationship would be more "permanent". A far out illusion.

I have, since then, confined myself to being good to those who are the immediate family members of who I'm with. I do not anymore go so far as try to be who I am not. I do not intend to portray myself as perfect. I do try to be extra nice.

In the case of large families, it is extremely difficult to be nice to everyone. Especially when I know that some of them have something against me--not that whatever that may be is my fault. At such times I remain polite. But I do not go out of my way to try to "win them over". I'm sure everyone will agree that it is very difficult to be nice to people who aren't nice to you.

Case in point: Mr. Tanduay has these two cousins (2nd degree I think) who have been nowhere near nice to me. During last Saturday's celebration of his great grandmother's 100th birthday, they threw me looks. And girls, you know what I mean by those "looks". I let it pass. Later that night, there was a band. While me, Mr. Tanduay and Lovely were enjoying the music on the dancefloor and dancing together, we were interrupted by tweedledum presumably because she somehow unearthed one of Mr. Tanduay's old friends from Canlaon. Again, I let that pass even though she did not even say "excuse me". They chatted and she swept Mr. Tanduay to their group leaving me and Lovely alone. When Mr. Tanduay returned to me a few minutes later holding my hand in his, tweedledee literally grabbed him by his sleeve back towards their group---all this while looking right at me and never even bothering a half-meant "join us" to me and Lovely. I was humiliated.

This spurred a series of arguements between me and Mr. Tanduay because he thought I was being "selfish" while I thought my actions (which was getting pissed) was only a reaction to the rudeness of the aforementioned tweedledum and tweedledee.

We women have a nose for other women who dislike us. We can smell them even if they're standing at the other end of the room. I am a non-confrontational person. I try to stay away from fights of any kind. Which is why I was enraged by the thought that I was being tagged as the one who is the "bad guy" in that particular situation when I in fact, never made any direct or indirect action to offend them. To make matters worse, they even teased Mr. Tanduay that he is "under" the next day.

Let me ask you, did I do anything to justify their rudeness? Was my reaction out of line? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I rest my case.

:::::::::::::::
Me and Mr. Tanduay made up immediately after every arguement we got into the past three days that he was here. In one such occassion (after the band thing and after an arguement) we went to their veranda and made tambay there. It was raining and I felt cold. We were huddled together in two chairs pulled close together...

Mr. Tanduay: (with his arms wrapped around me and his chin on my shoulder) I wonder why I love you so much...

It's another one of those moments when I didn't know whether to get mad or be kilig. hehehe

to date

I have given up hope that I would actually rally be able to take control of our business. So I shall not exhaust my energies arguing with my dad. I just don't see a point anymore. I shall live my remaining days in Canlaon under a banner of avoidance. Bow.

FYI

I got a phone call yesterday. It's been a while since I've talked or even texted with this certain friend of mine... And well, she got right to the point of her unexpected call...

Aling aling: I had unprotected sex. But it's like right after my period ended. Am I safe?
Me: Well... I'm not really sure... But based on experience, I didn't get pregnant yet so I'd say you're safe.
Aling aling: Are you sure? It was unprotected sex.
Me: Yeah well I'm the Queen of unprotected sex so... Wait, who's the guy?
Aling aling: My boyfriend _____. You didn't know about him?
Me: Not really. LOL
Aling aling: Mao ka! Bitaw... This is driving me crazy.
Me: Okay, hang on. I'll ask some people who know for sure.
Aling aling: Okay thanks. I'll wait for your text mam ha.
Me: Relax... I'll let you know asap.

So... I thought I should just write down when the safe period really is once and for all.

During your period is the safest. Next safest is no more than 5 days after the end of your period with each day past the end of your period being more risky than the next. (this is according to wiki answers)

For those in a relationship, darlings it's time to get on the pill. If you don't want to be on the pill for whatever reasons, use a condom. Seriously, having protection, whatever your choice of protection may be is just a lot less hassle.

Sex is a choice, pregnancy should be too. So unless you're ready to be a mommy, BE PROTECTED. Trust me, you're saving yourself a whole lot of worrying and panic.

tropic thunder

We watched tropic thunder yesterday. Not your usual spoof owed mainly to the fact that the cast is a powerhouse. Let me just say that Robert Downey Jr. is amazing. How he could do that African-American accent is weird--there are times when I forgot he's not black. And I didn't even recognize Tom Cruise at first. Sa iyang pagka siya. hehehe

I don't know ha, but all Mr. Tanduay's quoatable quotes nowadays are made before, during or after a movie. Anyway, I went into the movie worrying about money napd. Because I went to Bacolod with nothing but a one way fare's worth of money and nothing else and I had to let Mr. Tanduay pay for everything. Which, as you know, is not such a comfortable thing to do for most of us who are used to paying for ourselves (sometimes even our freeloading boyfriends of yester years). So I was deep in thought before the movie started thinking about how shitty it is not to have your own money in your pocket when...

Mr. Tanduay: O what's wrong? What are you thinking about?
Me: Money.
Mr. Tanduay: Stop it... Stop worrying about money. I want you to enjoy the movie.

silence...

Mr. Tanduay: (puts his arm around me) Babe, let me take care of you sometimes...

I guess I should. But when you're taking care of yourself too long, it takes some getting used to to let someone else.

Dear Diary:

When it's hard for you to make a choice, trust that the world will make it for you.

kindness makes the world go round

I haven't been talking much about what's really going on in my life right now. Aside from my peachy love life, everything else is pretty much dreary. To be more specific, we have been going through a rough time with money. I HATE MONEY.

I hate it because it has been turning us into these people who wake up in the middle of the night worrying about friggin money. I hate it because people in this backward place that I call my hometown associate me and my family with it. I hate it because the wretched people that inhabit this place is just waiting for our downfall. I can just imagine what kind of things they are saying behind our backs. And the people who were your friends when you had a whole lot of money? They either tear you down or grab the opportunity to profit from your vulnerability.



It really is true. When times get tough, that's when you see who your true friends are.

An example of how rotten people can be. Our competitor is owned by three people coming from the same family. One of them is my godfather. Another one is someone who used to be dirt poor. During which time, my dad became a guarantor for a loan that she was applying for because nobody knew her. Fast forward to now... That same person is on the top. And we are now going down. What does she do? She badmouths us every chance she gets. And now they are building a new gas station just to make sure that we go bankrupt. The goal is "siguraduhon nga maclose ang Power-up gasoline station".

Imagine that.

But then there are others. Others who stand by us whether we have money in our pockets or not. Others whose kindess save us and give us hope to live just another day and fight for another chance.

Others like one of our business partners who took it upon himself to volunteer to help us get back on our feet. I'm thankful that he's there because I've tried with all my might to get my dad to change his ways in business to no avail. I'm amazed at his generosity with his time and efforts just to help us take control of a business that has been mismanaged.

We are on the brink of losing most of what we have. My dad for whatever reason, has become rusty in his ways of handling business. God knows the man has been through a LOT. I can't blame him. But it's just frustrating. How we could have prevented this from happening if only he listened to me. It's humiliating how you have to borrow money or be at the mercy of creditors. It's heartbreaking how so-called "friends" turn against you or just turn their backs. Sometimes I wonder when does this series of unfortunate events end because sometimes I'm not sure we'll make it.

But then sometimes, there's a silverlining. Sometimes a person's act of kindness makes all the difference. And I think maybe, there's gonna be a brighter day.

Quick hitters

la Lo

Lindsay Lohan is on the cover of Harper's Bazaar and in the "intimate interview", Lohan is asked about her relationship with Samantha Ronson and if she would consider herself a bisexual. Here's an exerpt of the interview:

Has she previously been with a girl? She laughs and says, "I don't know. Maybe." Has she ever been embarrassed about being attracted to a woman? "No." Would she classify herself as bisexual? "Maybe. Yeah." Lesbian? "No." She goes on, "I don't want to classify myself. First of all, you never know what's going to happen — tomorrow, in a month, a year from now, five years from now. I appreciate people, and it doesn't matter who they are, and I feel blessed to be able to feel comfortable enough with myself that I can say that." She sees herself getting married "eventually," but whether to a man or a woman, "I don't know."

Okay... I'm not bothered that she's with a girl or whatever. But what's up with the "maybe. Yeah. Lesbian? No."???? I really like aling Lindsay but come on...

Does she really think she can pull it off after months of this?

She has also come up with her own line of leggings. "There's not much you can do with leggings, but I'm doing everything I can," she says.

I say good luck L. Except for colors, fabric and probably holes in them, how can one reinvent the legging? (your tips are welcome)

Moving on.

Team Jennifer vs Team Angelina

Jennifer Aniston called Angelina "uncool" after Angelina revealed stories about the early stages of her relationship with Brad Pitt. Well... I must say, I am with team Jennifer on this one. The poor girl shouldn't have to relive that. Especially since the revalations happened at a time when Jen did not about the relationship yet. Angie, you're one of the coolest chicks around but please, you walked off with the gir's husband... You don't have to tell us how you did it. (Wait. Maybe we'd like a few tips on how to snag a Brad LOL)

ALIAS

The Secret Service have come up with nicknames for the new first family. All starting with the letter R (don't ask me why). Anyway, here are the chosen names. Mr. Obama will be "Renegade", Michelle will be "Renaissance", Malia will be "Radiance" and Sasha will be "Rosebud".

Meanwhile, the search is still on for the the "first dog". Here's my suggestion:

Not sure it'll take with the kids though. hehehe

Shaken and stirred

I watched the new Bond movie Quantum of Solace with Mr. Tanduay last Saturday. I'm not gonna talk that much about the movie though. What I would say is what probably most people are saying. That's it's a typical Bond movie. Grittier and darker though. It's the 007 version of what happened with the Batman franchise. It's the posh version of an FPJ movie. Always the target, never hit.




Anyway, so we were walking around in the mall after the movie when our Mr. Tanduay said, "hey babe, I have a confession to make."

Okay... Now what? So I said, "what is it?"

Mr. Tanduay: I lied. I actually saw the movie with my dad na. I didn't tell you cos then you wouldn't wanna watch the movie na or if you did, you won't enjoy it as much.

How could I get mad about that kind of lie? LOL

O

Obama won. Oprah Winfrey was in attendance. Kenya declared a National Holiday in honor of Obama's victory. And Palin lost.

At least America has not completely lost their senses.

As for McCain, well... There is no substitute for victory. But I think his speech was very well delivered.
"This is an historic election, and I recognize the special significance it has for African-Americans and the special pride that must be theirs tonight," McCain said. "These are difficult times for our country. And I pledge to him tonight to do all in my power to help him lead us through the many challenges we face."

Applauded. Luoy. Especially cos I have a soft spot for grandfatherly looking people.

Anyway, it was not a surprise. It's going to be interesting to watch how Obama's gonna handle such great expectations.

Here's what I think is the most compelling line in Obama's speech at Grant Park:

"It's been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this date in this election at this defining moment, change has come to America."

fools like me

Okay... The truth is, nobody knows shit about love.

We're like the blind leading the blind. Occassionally we stumble onto some glimpse of wisdom and we try to hold it in our hands, stash them inside our cluttered minds, try to remember them the next time, try to protect ourselves or our friends from the same mistakes...

Right. Like that's possible. No one is safe. We all become lovefools.

There's no such thing as logic in love. My previous post has nothing to do about logic. In a line it would be listen to your intuition. And whoever said there's logic in intuitions. It's a feeling. It's not rocket science. Nobody has been able to really explain it. Just. Like. Love.

We all mess up, stumble, crawl. We all go through the same ugly break-ups and gut-wrenching heartaches. Yet we all believe in it. We hope and we risk. We go through all the motions. At least once in our lives we become fools.

But then, once in a while we find truths. We find something rare and beautiful. Once in a while we find what it was we've been looking for and never really admitted. Once in a while stumble upon something real. Once in a blue moon we realize that all the madness has but one ending--learning.

We cross our fingers and hope we'll be wiser next time around... Heaven knows that's what we should be--wiser after every friggin time we fall all over ourselves.

And if you're lucky... Maybe then you'll find love.

Then again, maybe I'm wrong.

Lesson #1

Joey: [after spotting a guy with "Ding" shirt and another guy with "Dong" shirt together] I want my Ding.
Andrew: I want my Dong.
-from the movie, Boy Culture

Just recently, my good friend Jaycee flew to Bacolod presumably to attend the recently concluded Masskara festival but actually, it was to meet up with yet another guy. I know, predictable.

Of course, I was thinking "oh boy, here we go again..." and my boyfriend Gerard jokingly said that this one's sure to become yet another one of Jaycee's exes (yes, after that week in Cebu my boyfriend already knew this piece of information. The info being that Jaycee has a lot of exes hehehe). Anyway, while we were more or less calculating how short this affair would be, Jaycee had other things in his mind. Other than the obvious, he was actually thinking it would last.

I am not one to deny people of their happiness. And so I listened to his declarations of like, if not love, and happiness. I said the necessary things although at the back of my mind, I was skeptical. I told him not to be too quick to give credit and not to rush into anything, least of all expectations. But of course I knew that he was gonna do all those anyway. Have I not myself done that so many times before?

I can see the signs...

Highlighting his so-called attributes... Diminishing the obvious qualities that would discount those attributes... Announcing with glee that "I am happy" or "he makes me happy"... Ignoring that voice in my head that tells me "no, not really..." knowing at the back of my head that I was trying to convince myself and others by all the declarations of love, happiness and really things that were most of the time stuff taken from other love stories.

I wonder, why have I been so quick to award those guys with worth without waiting just a little for them to prove their worth to me... I think we know the answer. Besides, happiness need not be advertised. If it's real, it will show itself. And that funny little thing called love? You'd be surprised... It's not supposed to be so hard.

What then is the lesson? Do NOT do what Jaycee did or I did. hehehe

Seriously, listen to yourself. I know you know that we are aware of what is potentially a mistake. We just ignore it. So just listen to that little voice. Ponder on it. And remember what happened all those times you ignored it.

bums and another city

Canlaon had become too stressful (who would've thought) and Dumaguete is hardly the same without my fabulous friends. So it was time then to pay a visit to the next best thing... CEBU. Where life is somewhere between urban life and where the spirit of Dumaguete has been echoed through most of the brilliant bums who are now based there.

On the bus to Zeybu...

At one acacia tree : we spent the first night hangin out at a place named after one of the most prominent figures of silliman. char.

Guitar man: Please welcome, Angel (he pronounced it as IN-GEL. He might very well be Inday's long lost brother. hahaha)

My rockstar. And yes, he makes love like that other kind of star. bwahaha

Men in Blue: My boyfriend on my left and my back-up on my right. haha

yo.u as in your own utopia where we chilled to the sound of the voice of Jello's crush

how did they end up looking so krung krung? hehehe

at bo's with Mutly who is morphing more and more into a Korean

corny moment at brews. walay mo palag. hehehe

Atimana and Aling Paulrich.

cuddly cousin

cge, atimana nalang pd si jaycee nga wlay paki sa world basta kay naka pose.

three ladies and uh bombom. hehehe

moon cafe just like the old days at el amigo...

Yes, indeed, the brilliant bums have conquered Cebu.

take a deep breath

For everything there is a season and time... And right now, I am so ready for some F.U.N!

It's been a while since I've really taken time off from all the drama of my life. But finally, I'm leaving for Bacolod tomorrow to meet up with my boyfriend. From there, we'll be off to Cebu for our first road trip together. Wee!

So...

1. I might not be able to update that much this coming week although I'll try.
2. I can't wait to see the Cebu-based brilliant bums.
3. I can't wait to introduce my boyfriend to my friends for the first time. (People, be gentle. hehehe)
4. I can't wait to do some damage in Cebu. I miss getting crunk with my people. *wink*
5. I'm craving for coffee conversations!!!

In short... I JUST CAN'T WAIT.

Cebu... Here we come! You better be ready for me. hehehe