back in the city...

My gosh it's been a while... I've been reading everybody else's blog today and I realized I am so behind... There have been a lot of things to write about... I got a job, Sinulog, Valentines day...

At least I have a valid reason: I was in training. And in one word it was ugtos. But I'm done with it and thankfully, I passed. =)

Well, what else... Oh yeah, Valentine's Day.

For the first time in years, I actually looked forward to it. Gerard came to Cebu and well, need I say more? haha

Guys, let's keep blogging. Ramblings will do. I mean, we don't really need to make literary essays to keep each other posted. Dava? hehehe

Aling Jello, ikaw nang naay wagi na laptop. Og mahimo... hehehehehehe And mam mich, I like one liner blogs kaya... hehehehe So let's keep it up. Promise I won't lag behind. =)

Sigh... It really feels different this time around... The last time I was in Cebu, I had no direction. Except maybe the ones goin to Vudu or some such place. When I think about that time, I don't even know what I was thinking. All I remember was that I just wanted to have fun. Which ultimitely led to downfalls. I was literally floating through a fog of confusion. In short, LOST.

Nowadays, I walk with a purpose. I guess I can say I've become grounded. Admittedly, it's thanks largely to my boyfriend. He keeps me in check. And every day, I feel good about being able to really do things on my own. To have this job (no matter how mediocre it is for some people) and earn money so that I can one day have enough to own my own business and NOT work. That's really all I want. Harhar. But yeah... That's just it for now...

Meanwhile, here's somethin I've been listenin to... Enjoy...

xoxo

Make It Mine - Jason Mraz

happy new year!

For all the hype of 2008, what with the beijing olympics and all, it was pretty dismal. Global economy crashed, calamities everywhere, and our family went into our own financial recession.

I always have mixed emotions whenever new years come around. Another year is, of course, a blessing. But then you get older and the anxiety of what this year will bring cannot be ignored. Although in the end, optimism is the best attitude to assume.

And what of the year that was? Somehow, new years always make us want to take stock of our lives. Which is, most of the time a most tedious and even depressing thing to do. So I conveniently skipped all the drama. haha It's a new year. Come what may.

2008 wasn't so bad... After all, I met Gerard in 08. I fell in love and am in a healthy relationship for the first time ever. hehehe

It's weird how the older we get, the less festive and exciting and happy the holidays are. But still, we make do with what we have. Hopefully, 2009 will be a better year for all of us.

So for now, cheers to the year that was and the year ahead! Happy New Year everyone!!!

xoxo

happy endings

If there is anything I love more than new beginnings, it is a happy ending... I just heard the news that our beloved Inday is engaged to her French beau. It felt weird... I have some friends who got married but this is the first brilliant bum to be engaged. I felt happy and at the same time strangely nostalgic. It's such a grown-up decision to make and I cannot help but recall the "single" moments that I spent with Inday and all the brilliant bum craziness that I thought this must be how parents feel when a child gets married. I must admit I was a bit worried and scared--after all, marriage is a BIG deal for me. But it is, above all, a happy occassion for it is a testament that in a world of uncertainty and chaos, love can still be found.

To Inday, I wish the best of life and love as she ends a chapter and begins a new one. May you live happily ever after.

family affair

The problem with dating someone whose family is not merely a tree but a forest is that you have a lot more people to impress.

I used to be so insecure that I felt I had to go out of my way to prove myself to a boyfriend's family members--as in all of them. I thought that if I endeared myself to a boyfriend's family members, our relationship would be more "permanent". A far out illusion.

I have, since then, confined myself to being good to those who are the immediate family members of who I'm with. I do not anymore go so far as try to be who I am not. I do not intend to portray myself as perfect. I do try to be extra nice.

In the case of large families, it is extremely difficult to be nice to everyone. Especially when I know that some of them have something against me--not that whatever that may be is my fault. At such times I remain polite. But I do not go out of my way to try to "win them over". I'm sure everyone will agree that it is very difficult to be nice to people who aren't nice to you.

Case in point: Mr. Tanduay has these two cousins (2nd degree I think) who have been nowhere near nice to me. During last Saturday's celebration of his great grandmother's 100th birthday, they threw me looks. And girls, you know what I mean by those "looks". I let it pass. Later that night, there was a band. While me, Mr. Tanduay and Lovely were enjoying the music on the dancefloor and dancing together, we were interrupted by tweedledum presumably because she somehow unearthed one of Mr. Tanduay's old friends from Canlaon. Again, I let that pass even though she did not even say "excuse me". They chatted and she swept Mr. Tanduay to their group leaving me and Lovely alone. When Mr. Tanduay returned to me a few minutes later holding my hand in his, tweedledee literally grabbed him by his sleeve back towards their group---all this while looking right at me and never even bothering a half-meant "join us" to me and Lovely. I was humiliated.

This spurred a series of arguements between me and Mr. Tanduay because he thought I was being "selfish" while I thought my actions (which was getting pissed) was only a reaction to the rudeness of the aforementioned tweedledum and tweedledee.

We women have a nose for other women who dislike us. We can smell them even if they're standing at the other end of the room. I am a non-confrontational person. I try to stay away from fights of any kind. Which is why I was enraged by the thought that I was being tagged as the one who is the "bad guy" in that particular situation when I in fact, never made any direct or indirect action to offend them. To make matters worse, they even teased Mr. Tanduay that he is "under" the next day.

Let me ask you, did I do anything to justify their rudeness? Was my reaction out of line? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I rest my case.

:::::::::::::::
Me and Mr. Tanduay made up immediately after every arguement we got into the past three days that he was here. In one such occassion (after the band thing and after an arguement) we went to their veranda and made tambay there. It was raining and I felt cold. We were huddled together in two chairs pulled close together...

Mr. Tanduay: (with his arms wrapped around me and his chin on my shoulder) I wonder why I love you so much...

It's another one of those moments when I didn't know whether to get mad or be kilig. hehehe

Dear Diary:

When it's hard for you to make a choice, trust that the world will make it for you.

kindness makes the world go round

I haven't been talking much about what's really going on in my life right now. Aside from my peachy love life, everything else is pretty much dreary. To be more specific, we have been going through a rough time with money. I HATE MONEY.

I hate it because it has been turning us into these people who wake up in the middle of the night worrying about friggin money. I hate it because people in this backward place that I call my hometown associate me and my family with it. I hate it because the wretched people that inhabit this place is just waiting for our downfall. I can just imagine what kind of things they are saying behind our backs. And the people who were your friends when you had a whole lot of money? They either tear you down or grab the opportunity to profit from your vulnerability.



It really is true. When times get tough, that's when you see who your true friends are.

An example of how rotten people can be. Our competitor is owned by three people coming from the same family. One of them is my godfather. Another one is someone who used to be dirt poor. During which time, my dad became a guarantor for a loan that she was applying for because nobody knew her. Fast forward to now... That same person is on the top. And we are now going down. What does she do? She badmouths us every chance she gets. And now they are building a new gas station just to make sure that we go bankrupt. The goal is "siguraduhon nga maclose ang Power-up gasoline station".

Imagine that.

But then there are others. Others who stand by us whether we have money in our pockets or not. Others whose kindess save us and give us hope to live just another day and fight for another chance.

Others like one of our business partners who took it upon himself to volunteer to help us get back on our feet. I'm thankful that he's there because I've tried with all my might to get my dad to change his ways in business to no avail. I'm amazed at his generosity with his time and efforts just to help us take control of a business that has been mismanaged.

We are on the brink of losing most of what we have. My dad for whatever reason, has become rusty in his ways of handling business. God knows the man has been through a LOT. I can't blame him. But it's just frustrating. How we could have prevented this from happening if only he listened to me. It's humiliating how you have to borrow money or be at the mercy of creditors. It's heartbreaking how so-called "friends" turn against you or just turn their backs. Sometimes I wonder when does this series of unfortunate events end because sometimes I'm not sure we'll make it.

But then sometimes, there's a silverlining. Sometimes a person's act of kindness makes all the difference. And I think maybe, there's gonna be a brighter day.